Three Hobo Healthcare Solutions

So you're sick, and have the misfortune of being one of those dirty Communist poor people whom Jesus said would always exist? Tough titty. Rich people need for you to die, because you don't have any money for them. So go die. Don't want to die? Well, then, you certainly have found yourself in the midst of a delicate conundrum. Most sick people find that some sort of medical attention can be a very helpful thing, and yet even the most basic "turn your head and cough" doctor's visit will cost more than 8,000,000 times your net worth. Luckily, we poor starving bastards whom no one cares about do have a few really, really crappy and completely ineffective options, three of which I will now share with you. Fellow hobos, read the following with rapt attention. Rich people, get ready to laugh your asses off at the suffering of smelly, starving peons.

1. Go to the "Emergency" Room. This is where rich people go when they get drunk on Dom Perignon and flip their diamond-encrusted Porsches. It's also where poor people go when they catch tuberculosis from their rodent roommates. You see, we have these Commie laws that require Emergency Rooms to treat poor people even if they don't have insurance. They will of course send you a bill which you'll never be able to pay within the short remaining span of your stinky hobo life, but who cares, right? So your credit score will go down. It's already -3, and you'll never be able to buy a car or a house anyway. Live it up! The problem: the doctor will prescribe medicines which are priced at roughly three times the Gross National Product of Germany, so your ER trip will do you absolutely no good whatsoever.
   
2. Practice preventive medicine. In other words, don't get sick. It's as easy as that, folks! It is an established fact that every bad thing in the world is caused by poor people, and your own health problems are no exception. A simple change in attitude will chase your cancer away, and positive thinking will revive you after your third cardiac arrest.
3. Stay sick until you get better, or until you die, whichever comes first. These are the only two possible outcomes of your illness, and both will result in the end of your suffering. Therefore, this is your best option, because it's a win-win proposition.

Those are your options, so pick one and stop whining about your flesh-eating virus. You don't hear rich people whining, do you? I didn't think so.

You're welcome.