Editor's Quick Tips, Vol. #4

Today's Topic: The Holidays

You probably decided to quit celebrating the Rich People Holidays (we'll run through the High Hobo Holidays in a forthcoming post) when you became a hobo. This was a terrible mistake, you schmuck. First, because even though most of your family is just as hobotronic as you are, your Aunt Sue still, incredibly, has some kind of "job" or something, and likes to make dinner for all of her lint-sculpting relatives. Second, there will be lots of free booze on hand (unless you live in the South like your literally poor Editor does and have lots of tee-totaling, preachy family members). Third--and I'm basing this purely on your hobotastic personal aroma--you're the worst hobo of the bunch, and the other hobos in your family will give you shiny gifts. This year, for example, your Editor's sister gave him 24 packages of Ramen noodles; to break that down for you, because your head is thick, that's a full 12 days of Christmas ("meals").

God cursed us, every one. So get free booze and/or free food wherever you can. You're welcome.