Hobo Business Proposition

As you all (i.e. Cletus) know, I'm trying to get my fabulous and insanely lucrative kitty-cat-lint-sculpture business going. How would you like to get in on the ground floor with an investment in this exciting growth industry? Are you drooling on your gravy-stained, stolen-from-Goodwill shirt yet? I am, but it's probably just a symptom of advanced scurvy or something.

I'm not asking for money, because of course Hank Paulson has outlawed money. No, that would be silly, whereas fashioning kitty-cat-lint-sculptures for bartering capital is anything but silly. What I need is lint--mountains upon mountains of delicious, nutritious, pliably-sculptable lint. Have wads of it in your dryer? Harvest it religiously from your stanky belly button? Sitting on a large lint-cache obtained through existing bartering channels you've devised? I want your lint, dammit, and I'm not too proud to beg.

Each pound of lint you send me will purchase one share of stock in Kitty-Cat-Lint-Sculptures, Ltd. You'll be paid dividends in the form of whatever I receive by way of kitty-cat-lint-sculpture-barter. Say I trade a lovely piece for a bottle of malt liquor: I'll mail you a Dixie cup full of booze. Sit back and watch the profits roll in as I do all the work!

Mail your lint to:
Kitty-Cat-Lint-Sculptures, Ltd.
C/O MATERIAL ACQUISITIONS
108 Hawkins St., Apt. 5
Chattanooga, TN 37415