Your Future, In This Apocalyptic World

If Chipmunks are currently feasting upon your malnourished body, and complaining to Chef Entropy about the quality of the food even as you sit aghast, you're not alone. All is void, as legislated by Congress. President Obama will probably eventually enact some level of relief for hobos, but you will as a result of Bush's afterglow be long dead before Obama is inaugurated, meaning that you're already dead. If you're surprised, shut up, dead guy, because some possum is already munching your remains. If you see a rodent theme in these remarks, then you're right on the mark. Rodents will rule, starting Thursday. As the protein component of their diet, you deserve to be informed of your destiny.

Unfortunately, your destiny has been sold to China. Eat turd, a menu selection cooked up for you by House Minority Leader John Boehner.

Signed,
Editor (and Cletus).