Recipe: Hobo Risotto

Ingredients:

• White rice
• Ketchup packets
• Despair

Over a period of three months, collect discarded ketchup packets in the parking lot of the McDonald's next to the pawn shop which you visit daily, in vain, trying to sell your teeth and/or your left shoe. Yes, you could buy a whole bottle of ketchup if that bastard pawnbroker would only pay you a fair price ($400) for your left maxillary second molar. What a skinflint asshole that guy is. Anyway, once you've collected 15 or more ketchup packets, boil up some rice. Squirt ketchup packets into rice, stir, and consume between involuntary dry heaves. This recipe is easy to chew, even without a left maxillary second molar. See how everything works out neatly for you?