Editor's Quick Tips, Vol. #6

Today's Topic: Phones.

As a confirmed hobo, you are not permitted to use telephones. Trust me, I tried it. I picked mine up yesterday and nothing happened, unless you want to consider the unmet need to converse with the outside world to be a "happening." It isn't, so shut up and go cry again.

If you need to talk to someone who is elsewhere, you'll simply have to walk to wherever that person is. That person will not be there when you get there. It's funny to everyone except you, so shut up and go cry again.

This whole thing is designed by rich people to keep you poor, if not to make you even more poorer than you already are. Such is the way of the world. If you don't know that by now, you'll know it by tomorrow. Pass me that bottle.