Editor's Quick Tips, Vol. #9

Today's topic: Bills

Bills, in case you're a Rich Person and are doing research into the shitpool we poor folks have to swim in (and eat from) are pieces of paper that issue forth from some turd-gargling Rich Person's computer. They demand ransom in the form of exorbitant amounts of money, of which only Rich People are in possession. These demands are legal--and reasonable--because Rich People are Congressionally permitted to use actual human beings for toilets. Tip: shit goes in the mouth, and piss goes in the eyes. This is the natural order, and its very nature excuses it from examination. So, poor people, enjoy those turds. It's the only food that God will ever allow you to eat, and he works in mysterious ways, so shut up about the fact that you have shit wedged betwixt your incisors.

Pay your bills, or you'll die. Can't pay your power bill? You'll die either by freezing or by eating rancid (because unrefrigerated) meat carved from the bones of people even poorer than you (I just blew you lint-swallowers' minds). Can't pay your water bill? You can't flush your toilet, and will die from shit-borne bacterial infections. Can't shovel money into some arbitrary hole? Six men will come and put dynamite in your asshole, after they eat your eyeballs and jizz into the sockets.

Word to the wise.